Embarrassed by his previous clumsy attempt at spoofing carols in the political way, Dr No now risks adding extra insult to his earlier incompetence by hamming up another dearly beloved Christmas Carol. Dr No begs forgiveness from all those who love our traditional carols, and promises that in future he will leave such delicate matters to those like Anna (her dementia poems are especially moving) who know how to do verse properly.
Author: dr-no
A Christmas Carol
Once in Royal London’s City
Stood a queer new government
Tory toffs had jump’d into bed
With Lib Dems of Con intent
David was their Premier
Niklaus Clegg their poodle dear.
They came to us from the big banks
Where shiny dollar is king
Their deep pockets soon they would line
And their mates make a killing
While the poor and sick and lowly
End up in a mess most unholy.
Nailing Patients
Storms of protest have greeted recent ‘leaks’ that NHS trusts plan to shoo existing smokers and fatties off waiting lists, and ban new and returning entrants until they have done time in a get fit quick boot camp. Herr citizens who fail to comply vill be sent down ze salt mine, and the key (but not their matches and crisps) thrown away.
These variants of health fascism are in fact nothing new. IDS style poor law conservatism always reckons those who have fallen on hard times have somehow managed to pull a fast one, and health fascism is the natural sibling of poor law conservatism. Those who cannot work will not get benefits; and those who will not fix their habits will not get NHS health care. Scattered amongst the protest comments on blogs and in the media is more than enough serves-the-bastards-right why-should-we-pay-for-their-healthcare invective to make Dr No’s toes curl.
MSPs Euthanase Assisted Dying
It has been a bad week for legal homicide. McMargo, Scottish champion of assisted dying, saw her End of Life Assistance Bill expire as eighty-five to sixteen Holyrood MSPs voted on Wednesday to give the proposals a fatal injection. The day before saw the launch of the own-goal Commission on Assisted Dying – an ‘independent commission’ bankrolled by the well known pro-death hat-stand Gaga Pratchett, set up by Dignity in Dying, and headed up as it is by the well known ‘make it Zurich for me’ proponent, Lord Falconer, whose selection of ‘independent commissioners’ is notably slewed towards fellow flight attendants, plug pullers and pillow snuffers. If this panel achieves true independence, so too will the Vatican’s Commission on God: Does He Really Exist?…
Carry On Commissioning
Dramatis Personæ
King Field, out-going Chief Pongo.
JD, a Jobbing Doctor.
The Darzi of Dagenham, a Stooge.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Grumble , a Hospital Doctor.
Queen Enchilada, Chief Pongo elect.
ACT I
Scene I—The Tudor splendour of Richmond House, a GP commissioning group hide-away deep in the heart of the Essex countryside.
Enter King Field, in a silly red and yellow hat.
Field. Infamy, infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!
Going Full Circle
So – Hinchingbrooke NHS Trust has gone down the plug-hole. Privately controlled vultures have been circling over-head – Hinchingbrooke’s demise has been long fore-told – and, neatly enough, it was the circling Circle Health Ltd who have been allowed to swoop down and pluck the entrails of the Trust from the clutch of the drains. We now have, Circle say, the ‘first franchised NHS trust’. NHS East of England, the SHA ‘overseeing’ the deal, was far more upbeat. ‘History was made today’ was their clarion call, as a ‘groundbreaking’ deal secured a ‘bright future’ for the debt-laden Trust.
Now there are some who say that this is privatisation. In fact it is not – yet. The ‘balance sheet assets’ – beds, bricks and mortar etc – remain, we are told, in NHS ownership, and the staff, we are told, will be seconded on NHS terms to Circle. Instead of privatising the Trust, Circle have been given the franchise to run the hospital – and the franchise model is not a privatisation model.
The MBA Mind and the NHS
A program on Radio 4 alerted Dr No to new developments in the world of MBAs. Shocked by the public backlash against MBA graduates for their part in shafting the developed economies, a group of 2009 Harvard Business School alumni have borrowed from Hippocrates to conceive the MBA Oath, an ‘inspiration and accountability tool’, to guide MBA graduates through the business jungle.
Putting aside a natural tendency to view the prospect of MBA graduates taking an ethical oath as more hypocritical than Hippocratic, the accompanying book is still thought provoking. Amongst other things it introduces the idea of the ‘MBA mind’ – that cut throat, greed-is-good brain that powers the suits in their relentless pursuit of profit – not, of course, that the authors word it that way.
Red Light Docs Face Urgent Probes
It’s tough being a GMC Responsible Officer. All those doctors on your books, each one a lurking Shipman. Of course, the Herr Brother Officers at the GMC and the Department of Health appreciate the terrible stresses Responsible Officers face. The Herr Brother Officers wish to help the Responsible Officers in their duties, and so have commissioned the Herr Revalidation Support Team to devise eine support system to help support ze Herr Responsible Officers in the execution of zair duties. And so it is that ze Herr Revalidation Support Team is pleased and proud to present to all Herr RO colleagues ze one – and only – Responsible Officer Dashboard!
Boob Swell or Bust
The libel wars are hotting up. Rodial, purveyors of High Class Snake Oils to the lunching classes, have fired the first libel shots across the bows of a Ms Dalia Nield FRCS (Ed), for daring to question Rodial’s claims that their revolutionary ‘Boob Job’ gel ‘plumps up the bust’ – by up to 8.4% in a couple of months – if you believe the spiel.
A number of commentators, including Dr Ben Goldacre of Bad Science, would have us believe that this battle is about science, and science alone. There is hot talk of transparency, replication, and open discussion; and of the crassness of using libel law to stifle scientific debate. All this is without doubt true, but the smoke generated in the heat of indignation has partially obscured a somewhat unfortunate fact. Ms Dalia Nield FRCS (Ed) is a Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic (Cosmetic) Surgeon, who numbers amongst her procedures breast augmentation.
The Poppy and the Patient
Today is Remembrance Day. At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, we remember those who shall grow not old, those who age shall not weary, for they died in the service of their country.
Today we also learned of yet more health service failings, of suffering and death; of lessons unlearnt, and lamentable failures, among older patients undergoing surgery; older patients, a few of whom no doubt fought in Flanders and other fields, and lived, only to be deserted in their late hour of need by the country they had served.